Dear Diary: Death Note Style
by Salome Sensei
Summary: L and Light tell all to their diaries. You don't want to know. Crackfic. Adults only.
1. Entry 1: L

Dear Diary: Death Note Style

Author's Note: Written in response to a discussion with Pseudohanyou about whether one can actually write _Death Note_ crackfic. I never shy from a challenge. Bask in it or flame at will!

Dear Diary,

It has been some time since I have written. There is no doubt now that Light is Kira, and being bound to him—emotionally and physically—is taking its toll. I am both drawn to him and repelled by him. He is my only friend and my one true enemy. This can only end in death for one or both of us. There is no other way.

But that is the least of my worries, Diary. Right now, I'm just trying to deal with the fact that he underestimates me and ridicules me for the way I talk, how I sit, what I eat, and that I snore—or so he claims when he yanks my chain at night and I nearly fall out of bed. Am I truly that pathetic? I have an IQ so high it cannot be counted, for heaven's sake. But wait. That's not the real problem either.

I'm sitting here in the dark, next to his bed, scribbling away, so close I can smell him. I need to be right here so the chain doesn't pull as I write. I can't risk waking him. I need to write this out, Diary, but he can't ever, ever know. If he finds this, he'll read all my thoughts about how hot he is. Those beautiful, wicked eyes. That snide grin. That voice, full of harshness and boyish vulnerability. And that tight ass. Damn. Better he think I'm an autistic weirdo than a fag pervert.

But the worst? It isn't any of that. I shudder as I touch these pale yellow pages. The truth is that if Yagami-kun sees this diary, I'll be ruined beyond redemption. If Light gets hold of this, he'll know the deepest truth: I'm a total Hello Kitty freak. My reputation will never recover.

Shit, he's talking in his sleep again. Something about apples. Gotta go!

~L


	2. Entry 2: Light

Dear Diary: Death Note Style 2

Author's Note: Couldn't resist seeing what Light's diary looks like...

Thanks: To PseudoHanyou, for noting that L's hair looks like Sasuke's.

Dear Diary,

I hope L doesn't wake up while I'm trying to write this. Creep. I'm sitting on the floor next to his bed so the chain doesn't pull or anything. This really sucks. But what can I do? The idiot-savant thinks I'm Kira and there seems no way to convince him otherwise but to help him find Kira.

You know what's really weird? The way L has his hair. Not just because it's all messy and needs a wash. But I've been noticing lately that it looks just like Sasuke's hair in _Naruto_! No way would I say anything to Mr. Social Retard Ryuzaki about it, of course. He makes me feel like a kid whenever my dad brings me the newest issue of _Shonen Jump_. I suppose he's too mature for manga. Whatever. I flip right to the _Naruto_ to see what my man Sasuke is up to.

I do more than just read it, though. Great for solo tension relief. Or used to be, before I let myself be chained to L, with his Sasuke hair and his eyes all huge and pitiful like that Kagome chick from _Inuyasha_. Lamest manga ever. Like anyone would be scared of that Naraku dude. He's pathetic. But Sasuke? Fearsome.

Sometimes I wonder why I'm so into the villains in manga. I hate criminals and bullies in real life. But Ryuzaki—I mean Sasuke!—really turns me on.

Oh well. Gotta go: L's mumbling in his sleep again. Don't wanna get busted.

~Light


	3. Entry 3: L: I Luv You, Raitocoon

**Author's Note: A little badfic, anyone****?**

Titel / I Luv You, Raito-coon

Auther / DethNoteTotelFanGirl12

Rating / L (for I Luv L & Light)

Cahracters / L/Raito-coon

Warnings / penis and butt stuff

Summery / L wishes Light new how he luvs him forever … in a yaoi way! (OMG! I can't believe I rote this!!!) Feedback welcome but be nice pleez: this is my first fic!!

Dear Diary,

I am so glad I have a diary, so I can say my feelings that I have for Yagami-coon. He is so totally hot and I think about how his penis would look if I could see it and put it in my mouth and in my butt all the time!

I know I should not think these things they are so dirty but I can't help it because I luv him. I said it and I mean it! If only I could tell him!!!! I would show him just how much I luv him and how much anckst I have and he should want me. Alot.

The Japinese goddess of Love, I think her name is Afrodite, I prey to her that she will give you to me and that you will not kill me and not be Kira because if you are Kira I will have to kill you but maybe you will kill me first but please don't kill me even if you are Kira because, like I said, I luv you and your bland hare and you're blue eyes like the sky, which is so blue like you're eyes accept when their are clouds. I hope their are no clouds in the sky of our luv, my Yagami…or can I be brave enuf to call you Raito-coon?

In my bed, I touch my penis and say you're name out loud when noone else can here, not even Watari can here me! I rub it make it as hard as a brick of marbel and wisper how much I luv you (and prenounce you're name right like we Japinese do where its like starting with R because we don't have a L) and I wish you could here me!!!

Anyhow, that is all and I hope you never find this but if you do then maybe you will luv me and want to touch my penis to. If you do that will be so amazing and we will both moane and groane and cumm.

Luv forever,

L Lawliett

P.S. Oh no! I did not relize this book is Light's Death Note and now I have wrote my reel name in it so I will die in a minute!!!

(Then L dies from the Deth Note and Light finds his ded body and cries because he reelly always luved L to but never told him. *sad face*)

The End


End file.
